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Aster's Non-binary Care Guide Part II

Updated: Oct 12, 2023

Hello all!

Last week, I had the pleasure of traveling to Chicago to celebrate one of my amazing friend's upcoming nuptials, which is why I didn't post. I want to dive more into Chicago and how amazing it was, and how it inspired me to stand up against the current hate-climate. I'll talk more about that in a later post.

Two weeks ago, I published my Non-binary Care Guide Part I where I talked about what feels good to me as a non-binary person. Here, I cover some of the challenging moments I have encountered in daily life so far.

A few months ago, a well-meaning person saw my pronoun badge and exclaimed "OH! You're a they/them!" and proceeded to ask me a lot of personal questions about my marriage and experience. I felt pressured to answer for the sake of education.

Several things went south here: first of all, grammar. I am not a "they/ them." I'm not even sure what a "they/them" would look like. Perhaps they would have horns? Fur? Tentacles?

Secondly, I felt pressure to answer their questions. I feel it is so important to talk about my experience so that I can process it and so that people who love and care about me can support me. That said, I have had to upgrade my boundary sets and be honest with myself and whoever is asking questions to make sure I feel safe and respected

Another extremely uncomfortable experience was at a dentist's office. I had finished my cleaning, and my hygienist was updating the dentist. She continued to use incorrect pronouns, and I attempted to correct her. I told her that I use "they/them" pronouns. She looked at me quizzically and said, "Are you referring to your teeth?" That hurt and was incredibly invalidating at the time.

So for those of you seeking to learn more by reading this post and other resources: thank you. Perhaps you can spare me and another of my fellow non-binary pals some serious discomfort, or what some of us call dysphoria, where we don't feel right in our own skin because we are not seen and valued for who we really are.

The main takeaways are that I need to be treated like a human being, and I need the people I am with to understand basics of how to support me, as we all need support and respect.

In the spirit of answering respectful questions, please message me questions you may have or topics you would be interested in me covering. Or maybe we can have a phone call! I would love to hear from you and we can support each other in this journey we are taking!

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Aster's Non-binary Care Guide: Part I

Maybe the term "non-binary" is new to you; maybe you've heard of it for a work thing but haven't met somebody yet; maybe you do know somebody but the idea is still overwhelming. How can you help this

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Mar 25, 2023

I am sorry to hear of the pain you have experienced not feeling seen and valued for who you are. Thanks for sharing glimpses of those experiences with us (your readers), as you reflect on them yourself - including exploring where appropriate boundaries need to be set. (And can I just add: I love the way you integrate images with your posts; seeing you cold but happy with Aunt Pam makes me happy, and anticipatory of your upcoming post(s) about your Chicago trip!)

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